Navigating Fear

As a Doctor of Feelings (that's what I used to tell my kids) - I spend a lot of time thinking about feelings - their relationship to thoughts, their physiological impact, and their core imprints. And I've come to believe that Fear is one of our core, base feelings, and actually, it's just the opposite of the One Main Feeling - Love. (And I know many people instinctively think that it's actually 'hate' that is opposite of Love, but I see 'hate' to be a derivative of Fear, just like all the "negative" emotions - jealousy, anger, envy, sadness, etc, which places Fear at the core of our emotional world, opposite Love). I'd even go so far as to say that every behavior we engage in is done out of Love or Fear (read: some derivative of either).

So - Fear. It's a big one. Gets in the way. There is plenty that can elicit fear - and one I've had a taste of is getting out into the social scene in London. It is so easy to make my solo trips to the Museums, to walk with my ipod around the Parks, to sit in a coffee shop with book or laptop. What ease! It's even easy to walk into Viva alone or to catch a movie midday - ticket for one. I've got the being-by-myself-thing down pretty darn good. It was the meeting-others-thing that seemed scary, inducing elementary school-like fear of being liked, of fitting in, of having a good escape just in case...

Well there's something about this Life's Adventure that seems to put me square in the middle of conquering all the fears I'd hidden under years of being a relatively outgoing and social creature. Facing my demons so to speak. Because when you do - they disappear.

This was the first lesson learned after I recently joined a city socializing website...basically an online social networking site that allows you to create a profile and then either post suggestions for events taking place during the week, or rsvp to events/socials that look interesting to you. There are hundreds of people on this social site and at least 10 different socials I could go to on any given evening, often more. They range from drinks at a pub, to clubbing, to movie nights, museum sighting, to dinner, to pub quizes, theatre, walks in the park, fitness events, and even weekend getaways. People are always planning something.

I courageously took the plunge almost two weeks ago, after completing my profile, and signed up for a dinner/movie event at our local bar with a tiny studio cinema seating 15 people - The Exhibit. Turns out that the girl organizing the event didn't get the tickets in time, but we found ourselves (3 of us) at a little Persian restaurant called Dish Dash, eating Tapas, laughing, and quite surprised how much we had in common. Helen was in her 20's from Australia and a social worker. We have plans to get together soon since we both live in Balham - how fun is that?!

Success makes it easy to jump in the deep end again - or maybe it's the adrenaline of the unknown. Either way, I signed up again for another social, this past Friday. I met a small group of strangers at the London Coliseum to see the Birmingham Royal Ballet perform, The Sleeping Beauty. It was fantastic! The building was breathtaking and the dancers were unbelievable. Tchaikovsky's score was flawlessly done by the Orchestra and I had the best seat in the house. There were four other city socializers for me to meet, and although we all had separate seats - we met at both of the breaks in the 3rd floor bar for drinks and had a bit of chatting before the show.

As easy as it would be for me to call this brief venture into the social scene a success and then drop it - I'm going to keep going. And yes, I have to navigate my fear each and every time I click on the RSVP button for a social, and each time I walk up to the venue and open the door...But it's about growth and ultimately about being fearless. Because really, what's the worst that could happen? This isn't 5th grade and I don't have to sit in the office because I kicked a boy in the shin for making fun of me. I'm an adult now and my escape routes are clearly marked! There's really nothing terrible that could happen except for me missing out on an opportunity to experience myself in new ways...especially if I were too scared to try.

So this week holds a Book Club meeting tomorrow at The Bobbin here in Clapham with a lovely-looking group...we're discussing "Alone in Berlin"...better start that for tomorrow. And Thursday will hopefully bring an evening of learning how to make fancy chocolates by a renowned Chocolatier and then taking our masterpieces home. A few more people have to sign up to make this one happen, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that come Thursday I'll be dipping them in chocolate.